Heaven

Gidget and I are up here now in doggy heaven - this is me - Chanel - and we are enjoying ourselves mightily. My favorite foods on the earthly plane were butter, stolen from countertops, and Reese's peanut butter cups. Thank God (and I'm not kidding about that) I get to eat all I want up here. Just shows that the importance of a good diet is somewhat overrated! Gidget eats burritos, plus tomatillo sauce.

I've heard there's a dog in New Iberia, Louisiana, Max, claiming he's way older than I. I have only one thing to say to that, "Bite me!" Besides who wants to fight over being older? Younger yes, older no. I always lied about my age, and so should you.

Gidget and I have been jawing about the bad rap small dogs get. Some say we're yippy, and yappy, and piddle on the floor, and in general strike fear into the hearts of men because they don't want to be seen walking us. It threatens their masculinity, presumably. I say pish and tosh to that. Big dogs smell, they slobber, and they have an extremely limited vocabulary. Golden retrievers say "Where's the ball?" Black labs, well, any kind of lab, say "Where's the food?"